Smriti Gupta

Imagine being a child, abandoned for months or years on end, living in a shelter, not knowing if you will get the chance to have a family of your own. Unfortunately, this isn’t mere imagination for lakhs of children.

The reality of abandonment

As per recent data, an alarming 3.5 to 4 lakh children in India are living in child shelters, formally known as Child Care Institutions (CCIs). While this number is significant, what’s even more startling is that out of these children, only 2,000 are part of the legal adoption pool. This disparity becomes even more poignant when you consider that there are over 34,000 parents eagerly waiting to adopt and provide a nurturing home to these children. To grasp the magnitude of this issue, imagine nearly the entire population of a city like Ahmednagar, filled with children, and yet only a minuscule fraction is available for adoption. Why is this the case? 

The plight behind closed doors

Within the walls of these shelters, children, despite the best efforts, often find themselves wrestling with their hopes and the haunting feeling of abandonment. They are at a heightened risk of abuse, malnutrition, and various medical and emotional issues. The love, warmth, and opportunities that a permanent family brings are beyond their reach.  Adoptive parents understand first-hand the impact that living in an institutional setting for an extended stay has on children. Neha explains, “When we adopted our son at five years old, the scars of his years in a shelter were painfully evident. Abandoned at birth, he spent every single day of his life within the confines of institutional walls. While the shelter did their best, they had limited resources, so he was robbed of simple joys like playing in a playground or visiting a store. His young life, marred by bureaucratic delays and the pandemic, made him a shadow of what a child his age should be.”

And what of the 34,000+ prospective adoptive parents, registered and waiting eagerly to provide a loving home to a child?

The question then arises: Where Are India’s Children?

Understanding the gaps

But what’s keeping these children from reaching the adoption pool? While the Juvenile Justice Act and Central Adoption Resource Authority (CARA) set a robust legal framework for the adoption of children, the ground reality paints a different picture. Many abandoned and orphaned children in shelters, who could be eligible for adoption, remain invisible and unevaluated due to a lack of resources, lack of law implementation and enforcement, ambiguities in the legalities of child abandonment, and the general public’s unawareness about the adoption rights of these children.

Take Prashant for example. In the heart of a bustling city, Prashant, a 6-year-old, was left to fend for himself. Fortune led him to the gates of a child shelter, where one might hope a child like him could expect a new beginning with one of the many thousands of parents who are willing to give a child a loving family. But as days turned to months, Prashant became just another face among the crowded shelter. The very hands meant to guide him to a loving home, never got around to evaluating his case for adoption eligibility. The absence of scrutiny or enforcement meant Prashant’s dreams of family meals and bedtime stories faded away. Instead, he was left to navigate the hard-knock world of institutional life, his potential and hopes dimming with each passing day.

Another example is young Ruchi, who sadly lost her parents. Seeking solace and protection, her aunt, overwhelmed by her own struggles, placed her in a shelter. Every evening, Ruchi would sit by the window, eyes scanning the road, hoping to catch a glimpse of her aunt returning for her. But no one ever came. And amidst the shelter’s paperwork, Ruchi’s file grew dustier each day. Her aunt imagined she would be cared for, but the very fact that she had an aunt somewhere out there became her tether and chain. The route to match her with a waiting family never arose since the shelter where she was staying was confused by which legal route to take. And so, Ruchi remained, her heart holding onto memories and dreams, while the possibilities of a loving home seemed to drift further away.

Ms Manisha Biraris, Women and Child Development, Maharashtra, shares, “We know that there are less children in the adoption pool and more parents are in the waiting queue. The reason behind it is that many children are not coming into the legal adoption process. There is a lack of knowledge of legal surrender of a child, which leads to trafficking and illegal adoption. So, we need to work on this and create awareness about safe surrender. Also, for eligible children in CCIs, we need to work on their cases faster so that they can be legally free and get matched with adoptive parents. For this, all stakeholders such as Specialized Adoption Agencies (SAA), Child Care Institutions (CCIs), State Adoption Resource Authority (SARA), and Central Adoption Resource (CARA) have to come on the same page. Many CCIs and SAAs think no will adopt older children and are confused about who will do which part of the process. They may feel they will lose grants if they don’t keep enough children in their shelters. So, we need to make their doubts clear and build more awareness around older children’s adoption. Successful cases can be discussed with them so they will get more confidence.”

The need for systemic changes

To ensure that every eligible abandoned, orphaned, and surrendered child across India reaches the legal adoption pool, systemic changes are required in every State and every district across the country. Here are a few key changes that we believe will make a long-term impact.

Dedicated adoption officers at district level: A dedicated role is required within the District Child Protection Unit (DCPU), a government body, to specifically work on adoption. Each district or a cluster of districts can have an officer who specifically works with child shelters and adoption agencies to identify eligible children for adoption and complete their cases. Currently there is a State Adoption Resource Authority (SARA), and this addition would help them work closely with districts, where children’s cases are processed.

Top-down goal setting: The Central and State Women and Child Development (WCD) departments can set a goal for the number of children that should be coming into the legal adoption pool from each State, based on each state’s profile. Our experience has shown that potentially 35% of children in shelters are abandoned / orphaned and should be evaluated for adoption eligibility. The percentage can vary by the state/district and hence goal setting can be variable, but goal needs to be set.

Reversing the norm of keeping children in shelters: Child shelters are required to report on the number of children they have. Additionally, for any child NOT in the legal adoption pool, shelters should be required to mention why that is the case. That is, the reporting/benchmarking in the system should be reversed to ask why the child can’t be placed in the legal adoption pool. This will create a mindset shift such that only children with guardians who visit them would stay in shelters.

Changing laws to guarantee a child’s right to family: When a child is left in a shelter and never visited, even if there is a parent/relative listed on paper, the child is effectively abandoned. Relatives who do not raise orphaned children and place them in shelters forever, are not taking care of the children. Such scenarios make the children’s cases complicated and prevent the children from becoming legally adoptable. JJ Act rules need to be strengthened to ensure that if a child is not being raised or visited by family, the child’s case is thoroughly reviewed to give the child a chance at a permanent family through adoption.

The efforts we are making…

Formed by three adoptive parents in 2019, WAIC, registered as Child Welfare and Action Foundation, is working tirelessly to bridge this gap. We witnessed the abyss between the abandoned children and the awaiting families and decided to act. The vision is clear: “Ensure every eligible abandoned, orphaned, and surrendered child is made visible, and reaches the legal adoption pool.”

Here is an overview of WAIC’s three-pronged approach to help eligible children become legally adoptable:

1. Technology solution to make the children visible, flag children for adoption evaluation, and keep track of cases to completion. 
2. Research and advocacy with legislative bodies to drive changes to processes.
3. Public awareness campaigns and training sessions for government staff. 

Using technology, our team members work closely with shelters to collect the data of every child living in the facility. The tool is able to flag children for adoption evaluation, using certain indicators. Once flagged, meticulous efforts are made to ensure each child’s paperwork is completed, ensuring their entry into the legal adoption pool. In fact, so far we have used their processes to assess more than 4000+ children.

When it comes to Advocacy, we engage with legislative bodies to drive changes to the laws, ensuring more children can be legally adopted.

Public awareness also plays an important part in the whole plan. It is so important that every citizen is aware of the plight of children in our country and knows how to notify authorities about any child they know who is orphaned or abandoned. Most people think that such children could be dropped off at a shelter, for care and food and they will be well looked-after. However, if the NGO where they are taken to is not a Specialized Adoption Agency (SAA), the chances of the child making it into the legal system for adoption is very slim. Through our campaigns we aim to educate the masses about the importance of safe surrender laws and the rights of every child to have a family.

Adopting an Older Child: What You Need to Know

Did you know that you can legally adopt a child in India until the child turns 18 years old? We have all heard about people adopting babies or toddlers, but there are children of all ages in the Indian legal adoption pool, waiting in shelters for their forever family. Older child adoption is picking up pace in our country, with children getting adopted quickly if they are under 10 years of age. But many pre-teens and teens languish in shelters despite being legally adoptable because many of us don’t understand that it is possible to build a strong bond with an older child, and they need and deserve a permanent family as much as any other child. As an adoptive parent myself and as the co-founder of WAIC, I have talked to many families who took the step to adopt a pre-teen and teen child, and here are the key takeaways from their adoption stories.

1. The child is more anxious than you. Be kind.

An India based inter-racial couple who adopted an 8-year old boy after a long struggle with the the shelter, were surprised when the boy insisted every day that he wanted to go back. It’s a pretty normal thing for children to say initially but the couple wasn’t ready for it. They eventually learnt that the child didn’t mean it and was just testing them. Thankfully they had the patience to go through this phase until the child got settled.

Every child is anxious when they join a new family. It doesn’t matter whether they are 2 years old or 12 years old. They don’t know you yet. They don’t know if they can trust you. They don’t know if you will love them forever or if they will face another abandonment. Children express this anxiety in different ways – they may not initially talk to you, they may be angry, they may be sad, they may throw tantrums, they may even say things to test whether you actually want them. Through all this, as a parent, you need to be kind. If you feel frustrated, take a break. Then come back and continue being kind. Continue to be with your child, even when he/she is being difficult, so they know you are not going away.

2. The child will have existing habits. They will evolve.

An adoptive mom brought her 12 year old daughter home, when her biological son was 17 years old. Her son not only encouraged her to follow her dream to adopt, but he also helped his new sister adjust post-adoption. One of the things that baffled the mother was that her daughter only wanted to watch TV all day, not study, and not engage in any activities. The reason being that most kids don’t really get to do much at the shelter, and watching TV was likely a way for the daughter to not think about the big changes happening in her life. The mother talked to other adoptive parents and slowly started to nudge her daughter to change her habits. Limits on screen time, scheduled study times, sport activities etc. did bring up a lot of resistance from the daughter but over a couple of years, she started enjoying the new activities and got more involved in school.

Older children might have picked up habits or behaviors from the shelter that you may not agree with. It’s okay. With your love and guidance, the child will slowly integrate with your family and learn new habits and behaviors. It will not happen overnight – give it time. Talk to any adoptive family and they will tell you how children eventually start to behave just like their parents!

3. The child may remember their history. Let them talk.

When our daughter came home at 4 years of age, she talked about her life at the shelter. She talked about the other children, she talked about the caretakers, and sometimes she talked about things where we wondered whether she was talking about the shelter or her life before the shelter. We listened to her and let her decide how much and when she wanted to talk.

Slightly older children may remember more about their life at the shelter or maybe even with their biological families. Let them lead the way in whether they want to talk about it. Ask gentle questions if they are willing to answer. Don’t shut them down. It’s part of their history and it does not say anything about you as the parent. Help them process their memories.

4. Education should be at the child’s pace. Not the other way around.

An adoptive mom whose kids are now grown up, once told me about the educational changes she made for her daughter. When her daughter came home through adoption, she put her in the same school as her biological son. It was a respected, academically rigorous school and her son had thrived in it. But the school didn’t work for the daughter. The school failed to understand that the daughter had certain educational gaps, needed to relearn some things, and needed to learn at her own pace. So the mom switched schools and found a more holistic school that focused on child development more than just academic rigor. When it was time for college, she also helped her daughter find the career path in line with her daughter’s interests.

Children in shelters most likely would not have gotten good academic support and might be below the threshold for the usual learning milestones. Do not look at academics in terms of grades or in terms of how other kids are performing. Assess the specific learning needs that your child has, and start from there. The child will need time, space, and help to discover their learning potential.

Education is not a race, even though we have made it one. Start with homeschooling if you need to. Ensure you get tutors who understand the child’s needs and pace. Find a school that focuses on learning rather than competition.

5. Take the help you can get. And talk to other adoptive parents.

A couple who felt passionately positive about adoption were very hesitant in using the grandparents for help, when their daughter came home. They were afraid that the grandparents would say something biased and hurt the child. There could be many other reasons why extended family help is not available. In that case, use nannies and other paid staff for help. Make sure that the child spends the most amount of time with you to establish bonding, but having nannies and tutors will give you the much needed support.

In India, adoption counselors, especially for older child adoption, are not easily available. Hence adoptive parents depend on each other for guidance. Talk to other adoptive parents and find the ones that you connect with well. Sometimes having another parent say, “yes, that’s normal” or “my child did that too” can really help navigate children’s various growth stages.

Lastly, the most important thing to remember in any adoption is that we may have the world, but the child only has us.

Smriti Gupta

smriti@waic.in

Co-Founder, WAIC